A sentence starts out like...

A sentence starts out like an unhatched egg; it could turn out to be a newborn chick or somebody’s omelette.  It’s the writer’s job to choose the fate of the egg, and hopefully he doesn’t crack under pressure.  A sentence that is terribly structured or without meaning is a hollow egg – a good writer wants to produce an egg full of nutrients to either help the chicken or the breakfast platter.  A good cook also adds spices (word choice) to make his food taste great, and a farmer will make a comfortable environment for hens to lay eggs (writing without distractions).

Billy Collins - Peer Question Responses

Do you feel that cliche metaphors are ineffective at conveying strong meaning?

Not necessarily; if used in the right way a clichéd metaphor can work wonders for a piece, but the entire thing can’t be riddled with them.  If an entire poem or story is made up solely of the expected and overused, how could a reader possibly feel anything towards it?  It lacks creativity, or the key word: love.  It was as if a robot made the card on an assembly line; it just makes generic “lovey-dubby” terms to the mass at large.  

What gave you the idea to expand on the original poem? Was it that the original was inadequate or was it a sort of homage?

The Original poem was full of over-the-top statements and metaphors, resulting in a deadening, lifeless piece.  A revision of the poem was necessary because now people will know what works and doesn’t work in poetry.  Simply smacking down countless metaphors is not the way to win over a “special friend.”  Achieving your message, even if it’s through humor, as the revision did, will not work if only uninspiring analogies are present.

Do you feel that your poem is better than the original or are you solely trying to prove a point?

I think both of those things.  On one hand, the revised poem has much more life and personality, whereas the original felt oddly loveless.  The point to make here is that there isn’t a single way to write a love letter; bad poets don’t know this fact or chose not to acknowledge it. They go ahead to write meaningless comparisons that feel synthetic and dull.

Why do you think the original author chose these specific comparisons?

The original author chose these comparisons because they were easy to visualize and the objects he chose were full of beauty.  It was a quick and easy way to gratify the audience.  The bread and the knife, the dew on the grass: they are all easily definable things that most people consider “pretty.”  This is a cheap way out; instead of writing something actually meaningful, the writer just churns out a bunch of associations.

Do you think the person who originally made the poem thinks yours is better?

Somehow I doubt the original “poet” thinks the revised poem is better than his or her own.  I bet the man (or woman) who wrote it did so for some quick cash and doesn’t really care about real constructive criticism.  Hallmark and other card companies eat this stuff up, so he (or she) is probably doing well for his/herself.

Do you think the original author of the poem expressed his love honestly or was just spewing out what he thought would impress his lover?

This author’s work has nothing to do with “love.”  He wrote it thinking that the public would flock like birds to the card store and see this poem and buy it thinking that their significant other would be happy.  This poem wasn’t written for love, it was written for capital gain.

Sample G and H Responses

Sample G Review

Its title borrowing the slogan from Red Bull, “It Gives You Wings” is an interesting piece that examines why the current onslaught of energy drinks in America has come to be.  Using gathered data such as News findings, economic patterns, and personal experience, the author gives an insightful look into the drink touting to give off enough energy to fly.  The writer starts off by emphasizing the symbols of the actual drink; the symbols of the bull and the bright popping colors attribute to the idea that the drink will cause a boost of alertness and athleticism. 

Then he or she follows up the metaphors with personal experiences and real-life observations.  Examining society with a close eye, patterns in behavior start to arise.  The author writes “Our society and culture molds us in a way that we expect quick results and instantaneous effects.  The increase in the impatience of society is further seen through over-use of the ‘Door Close’ button on elevators.  Out of all the buttons…the ‘Door Close’ button is the one that is usually worn out and has the least amount of paint.”  This simple example of the most-worn out button tells a lot about American culture.  The writer also talks about how countless friends and siblings have relied on the drink in one way or another, whether it be in the classroom or on the dance floor.

The next section of the paper focuses on the actual numbers involved in this phenomenon.  “A multitude of new energy drinks have hit the market since Red Bull’s introduction and apparent success with consumers.  Over 15 million members have joined the Red Bull Facebook page.”  Not only does the author prove his or her point by showing the product’s success, but also showing the disinterest in Americans of products with the opposite effect of Red Bull.  “Drank is a new relaxation beverage that promises to calm people down…this new drink has not seen the same success as its high paced competitor…According to recent sales figures from Innovative Beverage Group, the company’s revenues have been small, and even suffered a $320,000 loss in 2007.”  This fascinating find really exposes the value system of modern America.

Sample H Review

Sample H, “Apple’s iPod: I’ve Got the World on a String,” examines the popularity of the latest craze in technology: the iPod.  In the paper, the author writes about the design, function, customization and the product’s relevancy to our culture and how that has made it into such a big hit in America.  The author also wraps up the essay with the overarching societal motif of “smaller device, bigger storage.”

First the author tackles the actual design of the iPod.  Its sleek and simple interface caters to the American mindset.  With the simplistic “click wheel,” months worth of music, videos, and photos are made seamlessly accessible.  The desire for “any thing at any time” is slowing becoming a reality with this technology.  An entire library-worth of information and media is all located on a device no bigger than a deck of cards.

Another factor in the popularity of iPods is how different models are marketed for different audiences.  The author writes “On the Apple website, one can find a feature that asks the question ‘What iPod are you?’  Four models are offered, ranging in size from 2 GB, approximately 500 songs, up to 160 GB, or an astounding 40 thousand songs.”  Giving consumers a choice only widens the margins of the reach of the product.  “…from the person looking for something unobtrusive to bring to the gym to the audiophile who wants to be able to hear anything he or she could ever want at the drop of the hat.”  The author makes a solid point of noting the wide variety of iPod consumers, that much of the popularity can be attributed to the level of customization allowed between iPods.

Another important reason why iPods are the "rage," especially concerning teenagers, is the “hip factor.”  In regards to Apple’s advertising campaign, the author relates “By juxtaposing their product with seemingly ‘cool’ culture, Apple suggests that their product is an integral part of this niche…When walking down the street, or worse, through the halls of a school, one is hard pressed to not see dozens of others with the trademark white earbuds…” The iPod by this point has become more than just an all-in-one device; it has become a social standard.  A social standing and a status symbol, the ownership of an iPod can mean more that just an expensive Christmas gift.

48 Degrees - Freewrite

It is 48º today and the date is February 18, 2011.  This is the last day before our long weekend, for which I have a fun plan ahead (hopefully it turns out that way).  For my Film History class I have to go into the city and see a movie that first premiered between 1945 and 1980 in one of three venues: Film Forum, IFC Center, or MOMA (Museum of Modern Art).  Me and two of my friends are going Sunday via train and subway to catch a screening of The Godfather at the Film Forum.  As of this writing I haven't planned this out too much so I'll have to "get the ball rolling" once this class ends.  I originally wanted to see Jaws which was playing at the IFC, but one of my friends, who is a huge fan of "classic"movies, coerced me into seeing The Godfather, which apparently was on his "list"of movies to see on a big screen.  It doesn't matter much to me anyway; I've seen both movies multiple times and I am excited (albeit a little nervous) about traveling to NYC for the first time on my own.

[UPDATE]:  Last weekend turned out to be a fun adventure after all and to my surprise not once did we hit a snag on our way!

Response to a Response: Will's Video "Justifying Choices"

I think it is spot on that Will in his video response likened a writer’s words as his or her paintbrush.  A good writer does not push colors or pictures into their work; it should be their job to write well enough that the reader doesn’t need those things and still be able to receive a meaning or emotion.  In a professional paper, things like drawings and color can be distracting, as Will relates.  The formal, organized, black and white paragraphs of text are the standard in most fields, so as soon as someone strays from that path, the author will be looked down upon (unless the writing is for a highly creative venture).  It is interesting to think about how minor changes in one’s writing can make such a big statement.

Small Object, Large Subject: The iPod in American Society

A Musical Revolution in Your Pocket:

The date is December 25, 2004; this day was the starting point where my taste and knowledge of music would reach farther than I ever could have imagined.  On that fateful Christmas day I got my first iPod, the portable mp3 player from Apple Co.  This was one of the earlier models of the iPod, before additions like videos, games, or even color were featured on the device.  The easy-to-use interface, the slick white design, and the enormous amount of space for music blew my mind.  The virtual marketplace called iTunes was like walking into a music wonderland of past and new.  With a simple search of your favorite artist you could preview every song on an album before you bought it – and if you only wanted to buy one song off of an album, that was fine too.  The level of customization allowed in both purchasing and organizing your personal library of music was staggering.  ‘Playlists’ allowed you to only play certain songs at a time (for instance, you would play ‘Workout Playlist’ when you went to the gym).  Shiny, hip, fresh: the iPod was and still is one of the hottest electronic items to this day, and it’s no wonder why consumers flock to store shelves whenever a new model is churned out – the things are just so damn cool.

The landscape of the mp3 player has changed dramatically in a very short amount of time.  The first iPod was introduced in 2001; the product is barely even ten years old.  Since the simple black and white screen of the early model I started with, we’ve seen videos, games, video recording, the ability to make phone calls, and even the Internet added in.  Nowadays there’s virtually nothing you can’t do on your mobile device. Apple is still the undisputed master, but with rising competition from rival computer companies like Microsoft and phone companies like Verizon, they have to raise their game every year.  From the iPod to the iPhone and the iPad, technology is getting smaller and smarter.

How it Works:

            Ask any teenager how an iPod works and 9 out of 10 times you’ll get an answer.  The idea behind the iPod is that simpler is better.  The face of the iPod only features a screen, a wheel with four buttons, and a white circle as the “selector.”  By simply swiping your finger across the wheel, the iPod scrolls seamlessly through your music library.  The four wheel buttons are play/pause, skip forward, skip backward, and MENU.  Searching for music is easy; you can search alphabetically by artist, song, genre, or through a playlist, and downloading music is as simple as a mouse click in the iTunes store.

The simplicity of the iPod’s design was no accident; virtually every stylistic choice on Apple’s part focuses on this idea.  Everything from their ad campaign to the architecture inside the “Apple Store” uses a minimalistic technique in order to give the feeling of a squeaky clean and futuristic, yet easy-to-use vibe.  The ads for the iPod are as plain as you could get: a simple white background with text cut with pictures of their products.  The physical Apple Store, found in many malls around the US, is simply a large open room with white walls, a wood floor, and some tables and shelves showcasing the latest computers, gadgets, and software in a spread-out, open atmosphere.  The workers in the Apple store have to go through an arduous process before becoming salesmen (due to their image, Apple wants to make sure each of their representatives, high and low, cater to the “feeling” of the company).  All this is meant to get people to try and buy their product, and it works.

A Dying Industry:

Although the iPod may be the wave of the future, not everybody is totally on board with what these little devices mean for the music industry.  With the climate changing from records and CDs to mp3s and digital downloads, more and more artists today aren’t even putting out their albums on physical CDs.  Record store owners and collectors may have to put their livelihoods aside as teens everywhere throw away their old Walkmans.  Record companies know the speed with which digital downloading is accelerating and soon the CD will become as ancient as the 8-Track Player.

Another huge problem brought on by this onslaught of technology is a new threat to the music industry: Internet pirates.  With the resources found within any standard PC, everybody and their mother can illegally download thousands of songs onto their computer for free.  This is a big deal in the music industry because of how widespread these downloads have become.  Millions of songs have been pirated over file-sharing sites, and especially with less popular, “indie” groups, there just isn’t enough cash coming in to land opportunities.  Less money means less music.  Budgets have to be cut and many talented artists that might have otherwise been given record deals will be scrapped.  Music videos have to be cut back on, along with advertising time.  This also means that the people who actually do the right thing by purchasing their music will have to suffer more restrictions.  Music files will no longer be transferrable for all media (for instance, a song bought in Apple’s iTunes store will only play on Apple products) and individual songs will only jump in price. 

An American Obsession:

America (especially its teenage demographic) is highly interested in the “here and now” mentality.  Fast food, fast acting, fast service, fast forward: the word ‘fast’ is used pretty glamorously in the States.  Digital downloading feeds into this fast-paced society. Now, with the click of a button, an entire album can be downloaded onto your computer and you could be listening to it within minutes (maybe not even that long).  Whether you find yourself on a long car trip or walking on your way to school, instantly and without delay, all your favorite music can be found on a device the size of a credit card.  The fast speed with which downloads, flipping through artists, and looking up musicians can be done is a true American fantasy, only what was once fantasy has turned into a reality.

Another facet of the iPod that appeals to Americans is the small size.  Nearly every electronic gadget out now is teeny-tiny.  Cell phones, music players, video cameras: every year the products on store shelves are packaged in smaller boxes.  This trend can be attributed to our world’s on-the-go lifestyle.  More often than not we’re moving around place to place, whether it be for work or pleasure, and carrying a big hunky stereo boom box around isn’t necessarily the most convenient way of having “music on the go.”  An everyday pants pocket is just enough room for all of your entertainment needs.

The major problem with Apple is that they expect consumers to come back to their store over and over.  The hitch with buying an iPod or iPhone is that just when you think you’re buying the coolest thing ever, Apple comes out with the newest coolest thing ever in a few months.  Unfortunately the faster the rate at which technology moves ahead, the higher the bills come.  The latest Apple gizmo, the iPad, starts at $500, and that doesn’t even include downloads and Internet costs.  Apple has to walk a tight tightrope between product longevity and how to get consumers to purchase the latest hot item, while draining lots of money in the process.

Despite the overwhelming cost of their products, they have done extremely well for themselves earning $26 billion dollars in profits for the first quarter of 2011.  With iPods, MacBooks, and iPhones lingering everywhere (save for Amish Country), the long line of success for the company seems to be on a road not stopping soon.  With the sky as the limit, Apple will most likely continue to impress with its unique ways of handling itself and its products.  

"Flight of the Kuaka" - Uses of Rhetoric

Don Stap, in his piece “Flight of the Kuaka,” uses strategies of rhetoric to his advantage.  He mixes both descriptive, “storybook” writing and factual, scientific findings in order to enrich his work.  From the beginning of the passage, Stap envelops the reader in the world of the Firth of Thames more than a standard classroom textbook ever would;  “In February, at 37 degrees 12 minutes south latitude, the sun sets late, but night has fallen and the darkness is thick and close.  In the hills to the west I see a few dull globes of light from distant houses.” Although not straying far from his scientific mindset (in the use of the exact numeric values of temperature and latitude), he manages to first get the reader into an intimate setting to later on introduce all the data necessary to call the work ‘scientific.’  Had he not employed this technique, the words would be very dry and would read like an encyclopedia.

Another technique Stap uses is the use of personal experience in his writing.  Instead of simply “reading off” the experiment and the results, he goes so far as to write in the first person: “With the birds out of sight, we stand for a moment enjoying the night air.  I look up, once again drawn to the starry sky.”  This intimacy from the author is seldom seem in science pieces, and it creates for a much more fluent read.  Stap also personally relates how he had to wade through thick mud and how he released some of the endangered godwits on a deserted beach;  “Flight of the Kuaka” not only describes the interesting phenomena of the strange migratory patterns of these birds, but it also becomes a mediation between science and literature in its composition.